A question many people run from, and very few choose to face.

I chose to face it today.

So many of us move through life on autopilot — going with the flow, making everything seem normal so we fit in. We silence our feelings, sacrifice our dignity, tell ourselves it’s fine… as long as we belong, as long as we feel accepted.

That’s the feeling I’ve fought against — and will continue to fight against until my dying breath.

To conform. To accept. To lay yourself down just to be chosen.

That is a coward’s way home.

I don’t want that life.

There’s a question I ask almost every man I go on a date with now:

“If this were your last day on earth, what would you regret?”

The answer is almost always the same:

“I wish I had focused more on my happiness.”

Those collective responses made something click for me. At the end of it all, we don’t need more approval — we need to make our hearts smile.

So what does that really mean?

Does it mean appeasing others? Shrinking yourself just enough to feel worthy in the eyes of people who, truthfully, don’t give a shit about you?

Or does it mean recognizing your value in this world and choosing to live every day like it actually matters?

This is something I wrestle with every morning when I wake up.

I know my end date exists. I know it will meet me at its appointed time. Until then, do I really want to live a mediocre life? Follow the crowd? Chase money and material things that will never bring me true peace — never bring me Nirvana?

Recently, I started following a page on Instagram about Buddhist monks who are literally walking across America for peace.

Think about that.

Men who laid down every “American” desire — comfort, status, excess — to offer peace to a society so deeply corrupted by politics, comparison, and self-worth measured by money.

The more I followed their journey, the more aware I became of myself. Of the pure essence of who I am beneath this shell — a shell that will one day rot and return to the earth.

So what do we live for?

To be understood in a society built on competition?

Or to live for peace — for enlightenment, for a life free from the constant hunger for validation?

The older I get, the more trauma I experience, the more I feel… blessed.

Not because the pain was easy — but because God and the Universe refused to let me settle. The struggles, the trials, the breaking — they forced me to meet a version of myself that would have completely died had I chosen comfort over truth.

So now I focus on what it actually means to be human in an ever-changing world.

What it means to truly live, not just exist within a timeline handed to me by society.

There is a way to experience Heaven on Earth.

But it requires breaking free from the shackles of expectation, comparison, and conditioning.

I don’t want to feel life halfway.

I don’t want to be palatable.

I don’t want to be “just enough” for anyone.

I want to feel everything fully — deeply — honestly.

Not to appease others, but to honor the life I’ve been given.