“I think I have a new investment idea!”. My Friends ears perked up when she noticed that a punchline did not follow that sentence, which is usually the case with me.

“Yea?” she said, sitting upright in her chair now, “What sort of investment?”

“Ok, have you seen the movie Good Luck Chuck?, well I’m convinced I’m the girl version!, so I was thinking of starting a similar business!”.

She almost fell off her chair as she heard my plan. I could see her extremely intelligent noggin go into over drive as she contemplated on how to approach this absurd idea. Her eyes started tracing my face to see if the corner of my lip was quivering, struggling to hold in the “Juuuussttt Keeeddding” that usually follows a out of the blue statement as such. Her pulse quickened a little bit when she saw a very straight face Vivi sitting in front of her.

Now if any of you have seen the movie “Good Luck Chuck” with Dane Cook and Jessica Alba, you know the plot and are probably staring at this post with wide eyes as well. Before you start drawing conclusions on where I’m going with this, lets give a quick break down of the plot to the 2% of people who HAVEN’T seen this movie and apparently live in Timbuctoo, under a rock.

“Cursed since childhood, dentist Charlie (Dane Cook) cannot find the right woman. Even worse he learns that each of his ex-girlfriends finds true love with the man she meets after her relationship with him ends. Hearing of Charlie’s reputation as a good-luck charm, women from all over line up for a quick tryst….”. Skkkkkkkrrrrttt. That’s where we are going to stop before I start getting phone calls from loved family members, asking me why I want to invest in mindless Trysts. Sidenote: Thank you IMDB for letting me copy that little paragraph for our simple friends who haven’t seen the movie.

Now lets go back to my friend on the chair, sitting on the edge of it with her hands on her chin, staring at me intently. “So you want to have a bunch of Trysts with dudes, so they find their true love after you and you charge them for it?” Now it was my turn to almost fall of my chair. “Whoa, back up bud! Did you just call me a hooker?” I said. We both busted out laughing at the obvious miscommunication regarding this and the preposterous conclusions we were both jumping into. “Nooooo dude!!!, but thanks for thinking that was even something I would consider! The Nomination for The Best Friend award has officially been changed. Jussssttt Keeeding!.” Her face relaxed a bit once she finally caught a glimpse of that humor she was desperately yearning for through this whole conversation.

“What I’m saying is, I think I’ve found a similar pattern with all the guys I have dated (Relax, No Trysts involved). Somehow every guy I have dated, has found the girl that they either married or are in a serious relationship with right after we ended our relationship.” I caught a split second of sympathy flash across her face before she composed herself and said what any good friend says, “Nooooo, that’s just a morbid coincidence. Don’t say that.” Fast forward to a few years later, a few more dates later. She looked me straight in the face and said “So, how do you think you want to go about capitalizing on these dudes?”

Now if you are one of the guys I’ve dated in the past and somehow how you ended up on this blog (you stalker you), I take VISA, Mastercard, Cash or Check. Listen, I’ve gotten over the whole “It’s not you, its me” speech, I just think I deserve a cut of your Happily Ever After.

Of course, that conversation with my friend was a joke, and we obviously still laugh about it from time to time when another one ties the knot. Yet, there have been nights when I laid in bed with the torn pieces of my heart in my hand, wishing him all the luck in the World with her, but feeling the pain of knowing I was not good enough. There were moments when the excruciating pain had to take a back seat when I had to be the one to give closure, knowing that I was prepping him for someone else. For it always ended with the same statement, “You are amazing, you deserve so much, whoever you end up with is a lucky guy.” Yet it didn’t change the fact that I was still not good enough! I slowly started stripping myself of all my confidence and started questioning my identity. I started slipping into a very dark place of insecurity, hurt and bitterness.

It wasn’t until that glorious day when I was sitting on the edge of my bed with my shoulders heavy with hurt, that I understood myself. It was when God met me at my Lowest. I had music playing on YouTube and “You say” by Lauren Daigle started playing on my TV. As the words reached my ears and started sinking into my Soul, tears started flowing down my cheeks. I felt worth, value, peace, love and above all Faith rush into my Heart. I fell to my knees as the Words from the song were being spoken to me from God via the voice of Lauren Daigle. I couldn’t breathe, because the Love that poured from Above was beyond overwhelming. It was at that place, Love began its restoration process. In this deconstruction of myself, I understood the heart breaks of my life.

You see the thing with heart breaks is that they are never easy, especially if you’re on the receiving end of the blow. If not processed correctly, it can destruct us. Completely destroy us. What we fail to understand is that our value and worth is not a reflection of some bad experiences in life. God has already established our worth when he created us to be a beautiful creation of His. Our only job is to hold strong to our Worth, our Heart and not let the World transform us into a cold individual.

I can’t tell you why things happen the way they do, or why relationships don’t work out for me but work out for the person after me. Yet, with each breakup, I’ve learned to fall in Love deeper and deeper with myself. More importantly, I started seeing myself through the eyes of God. I started seeing a beautiful heart, with the potential to Love and give beyond the pain. I’ve come to a place where I found happiness in some one else’s Happiness. I saw myself take the pain, the rejection, and turn it into a tapestry of stronger Love that strengths my heart even today.

So yea, I guess you could say I’m Good Luck Vivi! Yet, unlike the movie I see that statement in a different light. I consider myself as lucky because with each end, God has taught me so much about myself. With each goodbye, I was able to discover what a beautiful Heart God has given me. Through each destruction, I was reminded of the passion with which I Love. I have fallen deeper in Love with the concept of loving someone else, when I realized the depth of Agape, unconditional Love. I would have never understood my worth, if I did not go through the fire.

So, if you are going through something painful today, I want to remind you that You are worthy, you are beautiful, you are perfect, you are indestructible.